BANANAGOD IS A REGISTERED PEER-TO-PEER WELLNESS DISTRIBUTION NETWORK AND IS NOT, NOR HAS IT EVER BEEN, A MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING ORGANIZATION, PYRAMID SCHEME, OR CULT. THIS DISCLAIMER IS LEGALLY REQUIRED. WE ARE NOT SURE BY WHOM.
NOT A CULT • NOT AN MLM • JUST A HOODIE COMPANY • PLEASE STOP ASKING

BANANAGOD

A peer-to-peer wellness distribution network disguised as a streetwear brand. Or a streetwear brand disguised as a peer-to-peer wellness distribution network. Our legal team is still deciding. We do not have a legal team.

"Are You Covered?"
APPLY FOR YOUR TERRITORY VIEW COMPENSATION PLAN
▼ SCROLL TO VIEW MANDATORY DISCLOSURES ▼
MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 01
THE OPPORTUNITY
MARKET ANALYSIS: We went to the gym and looked around. Every brand in the building was yelling at people. Every shirt said BEAST MODE or CONQUER or EMBRACE THE GRIND in a font designed by someone who punches drywall recreationally. Every logo looked like it wanted to fight you. We thought: nobody is selling merch to people who think this is ridiculous. That is a lot of people. That is a market inefficiency. We are here to financially exploit it.
THE PRODUCT: Hoodies and tees with a banana on them. You buy one. You wear it to the gym. Someone else wearing one sees you and says "are you covered?" You say "I'm covered." You have now completed a brand interaction. For reasons our data team cannot explain (we do not have a data team), this interaction has a 73% conversion rate on the person standing next to you. They ask about the hoodie. You tell them where to buy it. They buy it. You have just generated a sale for us without being paid. This is not an MLM. This is called "organic word of mouth." We just happen to have organized it into a ranked tier system with titles, advancement criteria, and a triangle-shaped org chart. Organically.
THE DISTRIBUTION MODEL (NOT AN MLM): You buy the merch. You tell 3 friends. Your friends buy the merch. They each tell 3 friends. Those friends buy the merch. If you are doing the math on that, please stop. The math is not the point. The point is selling hoodies. We have structured this process into what we are calling a "peer-to-peer enthusiasm cascade" which is a phrase we invented specifically to avoid saying "multi-level" or "downline." We will now use the word "downline." Your downline is the group of people you have personally enrolled. We were told not to call it that. We do not have anyone to tell us things. Some of your downline may report that they have started going to the gym regularly, made friends there, or "finally feel like they belong somewhere." These are side effects of hoodie ownership and not a guaranteed outcome of enrollment in the BananaGod distribution framework (not an MLM).
SIDE EFFECTS: Some ambassadors have reported: making eye contact with strangers at the gym, being approached by someone who said "are you covered?" and feeling inexplicably welcomed, bringing a friend to the gym who had been too scared to go alone, and "accidentally building a support system through a hoodie company." These are not intended outcomes. We are a merch company. We sell fabric with a banana printed on it. Any resulting sense of belonging is an unintended consequence of hoodie ownership. We are required to disclose that multiple ambassadors have described this as "the most supportive community they have ever been part of" but we want to reiterate that this is a streetwear brand and not a community organization. The fact that it functions as a community organization is a coincidence. A profitable coincidence that we intend to scale nationally through a distribution framework that is shaped like a triangle. The triangle is not a pyramid. Please see Mandatory Disclosure 02.
MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 02
THIS IS NOT AN MLM

We understand your concern. Below is a comprehensive and legally sufficient explanation of why BananaGod is not a multi-level marketing organization. Please read carefully. There will not be a test. (There is a test.)

IMPORTANT: BananaGod does not require you to purchase inventory. BananaGod does not promise financial returns. BananaGod is a community. The community happens to have a compensation structure, a recruitment framework, a hierarchical tier system, branded merchandise, and a phrase members say to each other in public. This is normal. Churches do this. Book clubs do this. We are closer to a book club than an MLM. The book is a banana. The club is a gym.
⚠

"But It Has Tiers"

Many legitimate organizations have tiers. The United States military has tiers. Your gym membership has tiers. Hotels have tiers. BananaGod has tiers. The only difference is that our tiers are shaped like a triangle. Triangles are shapes. Shapes are not regulated by any government agency.

⚠

"But You Recruit People"

We do not "recruit." We "share an opportunity." When you tell a friend about a restaurant, that is a referral. When you tell a friend about BananaGod, that is also a referral. The fact that you receive tier advancement, exclusive merchandise, and a title for doing so does not make it recruitment. It makes it an incentivized referral. These are different things. We looked it up.

⚠

"But You Call Them Believers"

That is a community term. Peloton calls them "members." CrossFit calls them "athletes." We call them "believers." The fact that this sounds like a cult is a branding coincidence. We are not a cult. We are a community. Communities have shared language, shared rituals, and a charismatic figurehead who may or may not exist. This is normal.

⚠

"But Members Greet Each Other With a Phrase"

"Are you covered?" is a wellness check. It is not a secret passphrase. It refers to whether you are physically wearing the merch and also metaphorically covered in the sense of being part of a supportive community. We are not being deliberately vague. We are being efficiently multi-layered.

MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 03
COMPENSATION PLAN

Below is the official BananaGod Independent Brand Ambassador Advancement Framework. It is shaped like a triangle for structural reasons. Not all triangles are pyramids. Some are just triangles.

REGIONAL VP DISTRICT MANAGER SENIOR AMBASSADOR BRAND AMBASSADOR PROSPECT (YOU)
COMPLIANCE NOTE: The above framework is not an employment offer, franchise opportunity, or investment vehicle. "Enrollments" are customer referrals. "Tier advancement" is a loyalty program. "Downline" is a word we keep using despite legal counsel advising against it. We do not have legal counsel. We have a banana.
MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 04
INCOME DISCLOSURE STATEMENT

In accordance with guidelines we are morally adjacent to, the following table discloses average outcomes for BananaGod Independent Brand Ambassadors.

RANK
AVG. INCOME
AVG. GAINS
Prospect
$0.00
Showed up
Ambassador
$0.00
3 gym buddies
Sr. Ambassador
$0.00
Consistent routine
District Mgr.
$0.00
Community
Regional VP
$0.00
Classified
NOTE: No BananaGod Independent Brand Ambassador has ever earned income from the BananaGod compensation plan. This is because the compensation plan does not involve money. It involves hoodies, tier titles, and the gradually increasing sense that the gym is a place where you belong. The Banana Regulatory Commission has not yet classified "sense of belonging" as a financial instrument. When they do, we will update this disclosure accordingly.
MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 05
COMPLIANCE FAQ

The following questions have been asked by concerned parties. We have answered them as honestly as our non-existent compliance department allows.

Is this a pyramid scheme? +
No. In a pyramid scheme, people at the top profit from the enrollment of people at the bottom. In BananaGod, nobody profits. Nobody at the top. Nobody at the bottom. The only thing that grows is the number of people who feel comfortable at the gym. This is not a financial return. It is an emotional return. No regulatory body regulates emotions. Yet.
Is this a cult? +
Absolutely not. A cult requires a charismatic leader, blind devotion, and separation from non-members. BananaGod has a possibly fictional figurehead who benches modest weight, a tier system with escalating titles, a shared greeting phrase, branded merchandise, and a strong preference for spending time with other members. This is a community. Communities and cults share many structural similarities but are distinguished by vibes. Our vibes are good.
What is "Are you covered?" +
It is a standard wellness inquiry. Life insurance agents ask "are you covered?" to determine if you have adequate protection. We ask "are you covered?" to determine if you are wearing the hoodie. Both are asking if you are protected. We are asking if you are protected from the pervasive feeling that you do not belong at the gym. This is not a secret passphrase. It is a conversation starter with plausible deniability built in.
Why does the org chart look like a pyramid? +
All org charts look like pyramids. Google's org chart looks like a pyramid. The Catholic Church's org chart looks like a pyramid. The US government is a pyramid. Nobody accuses the Senate of being an MLM. Although if you think about it for too long, some similarities emerge. We recommend not thinking about it for too long.
What does BananaGod have to do with the gym? +
BananaGod is a banana-themed streetwear brand. We sell hoodies. People wear hoodies to the gym. When two people wearing our hoodie see each other at the gym, they acknowledge each other. This acknowledgment creates a sense of community. This sense of community reduces gym intimidation. Reduced gym intimidation leads to more people going to the gym. More people going to the gym leads to more hoodie sales. More hoodie sales leads to more acknowledgments. This is called a flywheel. It is also called a pyramid scheme, but only by people who do not understand flywheels.
Do I have to recruit people? +
No. You are invited to "share the opportunity." Sharing the opportunity is voluntary. However, tier advancement requires a minimum number of enrollments. Enrollments are also voluntary. The voluntariness of both the sharing and the enrolling is what distinguishes BananaGod from an MLM. In an MLM, recruitment is required. In BananaGod, recruitment is merely incentivized, socially encouraged, structurally rewarded, and the only mechanism through which you advance. These are different.
Should I be concerned? +
No. You should be covered.
MANDATORY DISCLOSURE 06
AMBASSADOR TESTIMONIALS

The following represent individual experiences. Results not typical. Actually, these results are extremely typical. Everyone reports the same thing. That is either very reassuring or very concerning depending on your prior experience with organizations that produce uniform testimonials.

ALL TESTIMONIALS ARE FICTIONAL. THESE PEOPLE DO NOT EXIST. THEIR EXPERIENCES ARE MADE UP. THE EMOTIONS ARE REAL THOUGH.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
"I enrolled my personal trainer. He enrolled his clients. He is now my downline. He still charges me $80/hr. On paper I outrank him. In the gym he outranks me. We have agreed to never discuss the organizational chart."
— JAKE, DISTRICT MANAGER, MIAMI FL
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
"My attorney told me not to join. I showed him the income disclosure. He said 'there is no income.' I said 'exactly.' He joined. He is now my downline. Neither of us knows what that means. We both go to the gym now. He does cardio. I pretend to respect that."
— SARAH K., BRAND AMBASSADOR, FORMER SKEPTIC
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
"Someone asked if BananaGod is an MLM. I said no, it is a peer-to-peer wellness distribution network. They said that sounds exactly like an MLM. I said an MLM involves financial compensation. They asked what I get. I said 'a hoodie and the knowledge that someone at the gym will acknowledge my existence.' They said that is sadder than an MLM. They enrolled the next day."
— DEV, SR. AMBASSADOR, PORTLAND OR
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
"I tried to leave. There is no exit process. I asked for an exit process. They said 'just stop wearing the hoodie.' I could not stop wearing the hoodie. The hoodie is good. This is not a cult. This is brand loyalty. These are different."
— ANONYMOUS, DISTRICT MANAGER
Testimonials represent individual experiences and do not guarantee results. "Results" in this context refers to gym attendance, feelings of community, and the ability to make eye contact with strangers at the squat rack. BananaGod LLC (not an LLC) is not responsible for improved social confidence, unexpected gym friendships, or the gradual realization that the gym was never as scary as you thought. If you have experienced any of these side effects, please consult your Brand Ambassador. Not a doctor. We are not qualified to give medical advice. We are barely qualified to sell hoodies.
TERRITORY APPLICATION
APPLY FOR YOUR TERRITORY

Every distribution network requires territory management. Select your state and city below to claim your region. This process is identical to applying for a life insurance territory, except there is no licensing exam, no background check, and the product is a hoodie. Territories are exclusive. (They are not exclusive. We do not have the infrastructure to enforce exclusivity.)

🍌 TERRITORIES REMAINING: 3 ● APPLICATIONS OPEN BRC-ADJACENT COMPLIANT
Step 1: Select your state

This territory is now pending your application. No one else can claim it. (Anyone else can claim it. We have no system to prevent this. Please do not think about that.)
AMBASSADORS ENROLLED: 847
Your territory has been assigned. A Senior Ambassador will reach out within 24-48 business hours. We do not have Senior Ambassadors. Or business hours. Your referral link and drop access will arrive via email. Welcome to the base of the triangle. You are now the sole BananaGod representative in your territory. (You are not. There are probably 14 others. The territory system is decorative.)
By submitting this application you acknowledge that: (1) BananaGod is not an MLM, (2) you have reviewed the compensation plan which does not involve compensation, (3) your "territory" is a city you selected from a dropdown and does not confer any actual geographic exclusivity, (4) you will greet fellow ambassadors with "are you covered?" in public settings, (5) you agree to terms which have not been written, (6) you will share this opportunity with a minimum of 3 individuals, (7) "sharing the opportunity" is not recruitment, (8) you are not joining a cult, (9) you are joining a community, (10) communities and cults are legally distinct, (11) if another ambassador is already in your territory you are encouraged to "collaborate" which is the word we use instead of "compete" because competition implies a market structure which implies this is a business which implies this might be an MLM, which it is not.